I watched, if you can watch with your eyes closed, as November, December and then the entire first day of 2014 passed by without my making a single entry on this blog. What is it about inertia? The first step is doing something small, anything really, even if it is a crumb of your goal, even if it is a miniscule slice of your philosophical pie, even if it is writing a confession.

Yes. I have a confession. I, decrier of fads, un-endorser of gimmicks, non-fan of trends, indeed took a three-day juice cleanse. Let’s go back a couple of months. No Fuss Dad and I left Mellow Little Person with Excellent NYC Grandparents and flew off to Italy for nine glorious days. We ate our way through Rome and Naples. No day passed without a bottle of wine, five or six shots of espresso, and gelato at lunch and dinner. In other words it was sheer delight; also we walked eight to ten miles each day.  Come departure day it was a hurried, deeply weird breakfast in the hotel room, an intensely mediocre lunch at the train station, and a terrifyingly creamy airplane entrée which you eat so that you don’t start gnawing on your blanket. After all that amazing food out and about, the confines and intensity of the long travel day culminated in feeling deeply blah. This is a technical term.

I have often told folks that I have a good idea for a cleanse: eat only plant-based whole foods. Boom! Cleansed. But here’s the thing. I was kind of worn out. I was feeling blah, remember? This is the same as feeling LAZY. And I pretended that a three-day cleanse was a totally reasonable way to spend a moderately obscene amount of money. I had a spot of weakness, people.  The convenience of your food-ish beverages coming to your doorstep with a little map and their own cute shopping bag house? It is an entirely unnecessary and totally excellent level of convenience. The cost would have covered 4 weeks of excellent organic vegetables, but that would have involved me figuring out how to do something other than saute. Steaming is not my strong point.

Caveat: I ate an avocado each day, and I drank jasmine green tea and black tea. No way was I combining no eating with no caffeine. I can only handle so many headaches at once.

The juices were tasty. They were appetizing. They had strong auras of being health-inducing. The alkalizing shots made me want to wash my mouth out with soap and cry, and I am a stoic. The nut milks were lumpy like sad porridge and I think they were supposed to comfort me.

I enjoyed my fake weight loss. I enjoyed being very thoughtful about food. I enjoyed NOT eating every uneaten (okay who are we kidding, uneaten includes partially chewed and spit out) morsel off MLP’s ceramic kid plates. I cringed when I said to my friends at a lunch meeting “I’m doing a juice cleanse.” I cringed when I decided to blog about it, because it has been counter to my whole deal.

But it was kind of fun. And since my holidays left me feeling kind of blah and Organic Avenue is having a sale through January 15th 2014, so here’s confession #2: I’m doing it again.