5:__am Awake. Mom and Dad have no idea. I don’t know what time it is. I have no clock and couldn’t read the time anyway. What you you think I am, some kind of virtuoso?
6:00am Dad comes in! Dad’s here! Look! A wall! Look! The floor! Look! I pooped!
6:03am Silly Dad! That didn’t mean I wanted you to take the diaper off.
6:04am I showed Dad. I showed him that it is super-fun to pee on the floor.
6:06am I demand to be taken to the boobs. Look! The floor!
6:07am MAMAMAMAMA. I nurse and sigh. I nurse and arch my back theatrically. Look! The ceiling fan!
6:17am Nurse nurse nurse.
6:20am Climbing off the bed sideways. Best plan I have ever had.
6:22am Climbing off the bed sideways was the worst plan I’ve ever had.
6:45am I have roamed the perimeter and the interior of this residence. The Duplos are clear. I suspect the glider of spying activities. The TV cabinet won’t open when I look at it. Expect a report containing a detailed complaint.
7am MOM. DAD. OATMEAL. Look! I can open doors by banging in to them! Why aren’t you delighted and thrilled and tickled? Tickle me, will you? Really?
7:30am LET ME OUT OF THIS BIB. I want to climb the high chair and feel the kitchen breezes in my hair.
8am Yes. I can climb my high chair 50 times. Oh now you KNOW I love the dishwasher. You didn’t want that to finish running, right? I can totally take care of that. Man, Mom these are the best buttons.
8:30am Park. Park. Park. Park. Park. Park.
10am What does it take to get Cheerios around here? I’ll only smash two.
11:30am LUNCH! Yes! Is it just me or am I getting sleepy?
(Words run off page as if written by a small lunatic.)
5pm Dinner! Yes! Bath time! Yes! Hey what about this plan? How about I only ever stand in the bath tub, like tonight? Isn’t that the best idea I have ever had? No, a better idea than climbing sideways off the bed. How about how I drank the bathwater? ICK! That was gross. How about how I drank some more of it? Great idea right? Do you know if you put both your feet in a bowl you can’t really stand up vertically anymore and Mom gets a way better workout during your bath?
6:00pm Yes. Yes I always enjoy that book. Read it a couple of times tonight. Had Mom read it. Had Dad read it. I enjoy it. They read the pages I choose. I have an algorithm for that.You know it’s also delicious, that book. Wow my day was long. I am exhausted and Mom and Dad have very conveniently put me in my crib. I’m going to lie here and wrestle with small stuffed animals. I think I’ll stay up until 6:05pm. I can totally make it until-
LDM here now. Would like to point out possible diet tip for parents of little ones. Eat with baby utensils. A snack lasts a lot longer when you take tiny bites. And don’t worry, we took the pen out of the crib.